Shhhhh - listen...!

Hi all,
First, thank you to Candee, Priti, Deb, and others who sent notes and messages about our dear "Big Dog" - also known as Abby. After more than 2 months, I still look for her nearly every day. I know many of you can relate - my sister just lost her precious "Bud," the oldest of her 3 rescued kitties. It is so hard to go through and yet they bring us such joy while they're here.

Tomorrow I will be talking to some folks about listening. One of the things that I always think of when talking about listening is how fast our minds can "listen" compared to how fast humans talk; we talk at about 125 words a minute and most of us listen about 4 times faster than that. That means that if you are talking to me, about 75% (or more!) of my mind is wandering around wondering what to do with itself!! Most of the time it finds something, too! And that means I'm not listening as well as I could.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." But isn't that true in other relationships, too? Shouldn't we "be still" when we are supposed to be listening to someone we care about?

I know that for me, when Guy is talking about guitars (which he has done pretty much non-stop since I've met him!), I have a tendency to tune out (OUCH! I hate to admit that!). Sometimes my mind starts planning workshop outlines or deciding what to wear tomorrow or what to fix for dinner. It happens with good friends, too, but probably not nearly as often as with my poor husband. I will tell you, though, that it happens a lot less than it did several years ago because I have become aware of it and determined to do better.

There are many reasons we don't listen well - we may be planning what we are going to say next, we may be thinking about a problem we have or something we're looking forward to, we may even be distracted by smells (think "popping popcorn"), movement, noises, or whatever.

So...you've heard it before. We have to be AWARE and guard against not listening. That sounds so simple, doesn't it? And it really is if we will just practice it.

Now tell me, have you been listening????

Blessings,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com

Communication

Hi everyone, and welcome to my new "followers" - including you Amy :-)! I know there are those who have not actually signed up as a "follower" but read the posts, and I want to welcome y'all (I'm in Florida now, you know!) as well...

Well, did you do it? Did you get rid of any "clutter" this past week - physical, mental, emotional, visual, whatever?? I did manage to eliminate a bit last week and will continue to work on that this week. Sometimes it seems I get rid of some and twice that much comes tumbling in. My mind is so much calmer when I can keep the clutter in check - no matter which kind of clutter it is.

Now on to this week's word...communication. I conducted a workshop on that topic this week, then came across 2 articles about it, so...that "communicated" to me that I should talk about communication :-)...

In my workshop this week, we talked about several aspects of communication - communication styles, for instance. Are you auditory, visual, or kinesthetic? If you need directions, can you just listen to someone tell you (auditory), do you need a map (visual - that would be me), or can you remember how to get to a place after only being there once before (kinesthetic - actually doing something)? If you understand these 3 styles, it can help a lot when you are communicating with others. For instance, knowing that I'm visual, if you wanted to explain some numbers to me, drawing a graph or colorful chart would go a long way in helping me "see" what you're talking about. The auditory person, along with actually hearing what you have to say, might also like to hear how you got the numbers and details. The kinesthetic person might be more focused on the feelings connected to the numbers. Let's put it another way - if you are training someone who is auditory, they can often follow your instructions just based on what you say; the visual may need to see a diagram or written instructions; the kinesthetic needs to actually do it to "get it." Most of us are a combination of all 3 and the more even we are in the 3 styles, the easier it is to communicate with others. If we are high in one category, it just means we have to work a little harder to get our point across - if we are even AWARE that there is a difference in our own communication style and that of the person we're talking to.

Studying the communication styles can be really interesting. My favorite part of the communication workshop, though, is the "listening skills" section. I truly believe that if people take that section to heart they can dramatically improve their lives and maybe the life of someone else. It's amazing how I have never had anyone get a perfect score on the listening survey we take in my workshops, and yet most people don't make any effort to improve in that area. It's an area I have worked on for the past several years and I still have a long way to go.

So here's my challenge to you for this week...pick someone you don't normally listen to all that well (admit it, you probably do have someone in your life like that!) The next time they start a conversation, stop what you're doing, make eye contact, and really listen. Listen to what they are NOT saying. "Listen" to what their eyes are saying. Listen as if they matter...because guess what? They DO. And when you don't listen, you're saying they don't.

I don't think that's what you're really trying to communicate, is it?

Blessings,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com