Shhhhh - listen...!

Hi all,
First, thank you to Candee, Priti, Deb, and others who sent notes and messages about our dear "Big Dog" - also known as Abby. After more than 2 months, I still look for her nearly every day. I know many of you can relate - my sister just lost her precious "Bud," the oldest of her 3 rescued kitties. It is so hard to go through and yet they bring us such joy while they're here.

Tomorrow I will be talking to some folks about listening. One of the things that I always think of when talking about listening is how fast our minds can "listen" compared to how fast humans talk; we talk at about 125 words a minute and most of us listen about 4 times faster than that. That means that if you are talking to me, about 75% (or more!) of my mind is wandering around wondering what to do with itself!! Most of the time it finds something, too! And that means I'm not listening as well as I could.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." But isn't that true in other relationships, too? Shouldn't we "be still" when we are supposed to be listening to someone we care about?

I know that for me, when Guy is talking about guitars (which he has done pretty much non-stop since I've met him!), I have a tendency to tune out (OUCH! I hate to admit that!). Sometimes my mind starts planning workshop outlines or deciding what to wear tomorrow or what to fix for dinner. It happens with good friends, too, but probably not nearly as often as with my poor husband. I will tell you, though, that it happens a lot less than it did several years ago because I have become aware of it and determined to do better.

There are many reasons we don't listen well - we may be planning what we are going to say next, we may be thinking about a problem we have or something we're looking forward to, we may even be distracted by smells (think "popping popcorn"), movement, noises, or whatever.

So...you've heard it before. We have to be AWARE and guard against not listening. That sounds so simple, doesn't it? And it really is if we will just practice it.

Now tell me, have you been listening????

Blessings,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com

Simplicity - right??

Well, I think I lost a week or so in there somewhere! Here it is, 2 weeks after my last post - something I was sure would never happen.

The amusing thing is that I spoke to a client about 10 days ago and she made an innocent statement: "I just want a simple life." I told her she had just given me the word for that week's post - simplicity. Then life happened!

A husband with a pulled muscle in his back, a car that won't quit (Literally! It would NOT turn off!), a puppy who the vet says is probably within days or weeks of leaving us, 2 doctors' appointments for hubby, several new programs to prepare for along with a week-long business trip coming up, new technology equipment in my office (yuk!), and the list goes on - as I know yours does, too. I guess the simplicity gremlins heard what I was going to blog about and decided to make sure that didn't happen!

So I have been reflecting (when I have 37 seconds to do so!) on how I can gain some simplicity in my life again. I'll be honest here - I'm not sure it's going to happen for me in the next 2 or 3 weeks and I have to be willing to admit that without carrying any guilt around about it. I'm pretty sure July will be a little "lighter" for me, but who wants to wait until July???

And yet, if that's what happens, it's what happens. I need to have PATIENCE, the same word I mentioned on my last blog. However, I also need to be AWARE (there's THAT word again) of how full my schedule is right not and not say "yes" to anything that is not vitally important to me. It's so easy to do, isn't it? A friend wants you to stop and have coffee, someone wants you to do "just this one little thing," a spouse asks you to handle a minor errand - and yet, it can all become just too, too much.

So I think the next blog word will be vital - as in, what is the difference between what is vital to you and what's urgent?

A little food for thought - until next time :-) In the meantime, let's all try to have patience - with ourselves AND with others!

Blessings,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com

Moment by Moment

Okay, so this week's title is 3 words
:-)

How did you do with awareness this past week? I could have titled this week's session "Awareness-Part 2" since that's what we are going to talk about in a sense.

This is a different kind of awareness, though. This time, I want you to be aware in the moment.

I've had "one of those days" that has stretched into months; you know the kind ~ 3 colds in 4 months, a 7-week backache that has now moved into my shoulder, a refrigerator that is determined to die before I can take advantage of the tax credit, a 15 1/2 years-young puppy that is having some health issues, a hubby that is dealing with his own health issues, a beloved sister who is struggling with health issues, work that either piles up and buries me or becomes a bit scarce and scares me!...and the list goes on. My piddly little problems aren't really all that bad, but sometimes it just adds up, ya know??

So here's what I've decided...I don't like being negative, but I have found myself in that dreadful spot of late. How can I overcome that when I can't change the things that are depressing me?

I decided this past weekend to find "moments." Maybe you have some of those once in awhile... the cat crawls onto the recliner to sleep on my lap (which is decidedly NOT Murphy's style!). It's as if he knows I am sleeping in the recliner because I don't feel quite up to par,and he comforts me with his presence ~ for a moment.

It's that tiny little purple flower that is creeping out from under the fence on the patio that makes me smile ~ for a moment.

It's the "puppy," Abby, coming up and resting her chin on my leg as if to remind me I won't always have her with me, and I cherish that time ~ for a moment.

It's the sound of the Keurig coffeemaker brewing a fresh cup in the morning and those first few warm, delicious, comforting sips that bring a sense of peace ~ for a moment.

It's the little crippled cat playing "hide and seek" with my hand as I lay him on the recliner in front of the window, who makes me laugh out loud from his antics ~ for a moment.

It's a stunning peek of green/orange/yellow light high up in a cloud and miles and miles away from the sun that makes me stop and realize how big the universe really is and how lucky I am to witness something so beautiful and unusual ~ for a moment.

It's the British comedy, "As Time Goes By" on a Saturday evening or "My Three Sons" during the week that gives me a sense of "all is right with the world" ~ for a moment.

So what are your "moments?" Even in the midst of whatever nastiness you are dealing with, I urge you to find some "moments." Sometimes, those moments are the only things that get us through ~ till the next one. Why not take a "moment" and drop me an email this week to let me know where you found one of YOUR moments?

Blessings ~ moment by moment,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com

Be aware, be very aware! :-)

Hi everyone,

How did you do with your "wisdom" last week? I think I did a teensy bit better...maybe this week will move me a little closer to "wise" :-)

This week's word is AWARE. As in, are you aware of how what you say and do affects others?

I was reading an article yesterday about different kinds of leadership. One theory of leadership is that, whether your "title" is leader or not, you are born having certain kinds of leadership qualities and you really can't change that. For instance, I once worked for a fellow who ruled by intimidation - and yes, he "ruled" and yes, he intimidated. I respectfully disagree with the theory that he couldn't change that style. I sincerely believe that what it takes is constant awareness (which sounds pretty easy, but isn't, of course). That awareness could have led him to see how his actions and words DE-motivated his employees, but he chose NOT to be aware. I have to conclude that he didn't CARE how that style affected others.

So what does this have to do with you - and me? Well, I have been on a quest (over the past couple of years, especially) to be aware of my own words and actions and the affect they will have on others. My tongue seems to be in a constant state of "injury" from being bitten so often!! The wounds are a little less frequent as my state of awareness increases, though.

Just think...if you become more aware before you "snap" at a friend - or a child - or a spouse - or the telemarketer - or the clerk at the store - or a boss...won't that make life a bit less stressful? It will if you then consider what you were going to say and deal with the feelings behind those words, rather than just spit them out onto someone without considering how you will make them feel. And here's where maybe that wisdom does come in a bit...I have found that when I let loose with words to make someone else feel bad, I may accomplish that goal momentarily, but the sad part is, I don't usually feel all that much better after having shared my negativity. I still have the negativity, and now they do, too. And it usually doesn't improve my relationship with that person in any way. And I don't know the affect those feelings will have on them in the future. And the feelings that caused me to say those things are still there! And now I'm irritated with myself!

And just think...an ounce of AWARENESS could have prevented all of that! Yes, I would still have the feelings ~ but I have found that dealing with my feelings myself rather than letting them control me and how I interact with others is really paying benefits these days.

See...wisdom does come with age :-) (Of course, sometimes age comes alone...tee hee!)

My challenge to you this week is to become more aware - aware of what you are about to say and to whom you are going to say it...aware of WHY you want to say that...aware of the affect it will have (short-term and long-term) on that person and on your relationship with them...aware of the affect it will have on your feelings about yourself... Just be aware, be very aware!

Blessings,

Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com

Clutter be gone!

Well, how did you do with saying adios to some tolerations this past week? I did indeed come up with a couple more - 3 to be exact - and it feels good. Still have some others hanging around but my awareness is there, so hopefully I'll be able to work on those things over the next few weeks.

And there's that word again - awareness. Are you aware of any clutter in your life? I'm not necessarily talking about physical clutter, although I do occasionally have a sea of that around me when I'm working on several programs at once. So yes, let's try to whittle that down a bit, too. I just finished assembling paperwork for taxes (eeeek!) and that relieved some paper clutter quickly.

But what I'm really talking about is "mental clutter." I have a bit of that happening right now - irritation about a situation I got myself into and now have no control over. It's cluttering my mind and I am working hard to "sweep it out." I've made some progress, but I'm not quite there yet. Frustrated thoughts still "clutter" my thinking now and again...

Even good "clutter" like preparing for upcoming workshops, having a stack of books on topics I really want to read, "things" I would like to do in the next couple of weeks - can cause some stress that we aren't even aware of.

Then there is the clutter of "noise" in life - I read quite some time ago that one of the reasons the "younger generation" seems angry or depressed is because of the constant noise in their lives - and much of that is negative noise...loud music with negative lyrics, negative verbiage on TV and video games... do you need to soften the "noise" in your life?

So maybe for you it's visual clutter, physical clutter, mental clutter, "noise" clutter, or whatever...my challenge to you this week is to try to reduce some of that clutter (I will never tell you to eliminate it because I don't think that's possible!).

How about it? I will if you will!
Blessings,
Linda
www.LindasWorkshops.com
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com

Control....hmmmmm

Happy mid-January to you all!

This week's word may have you wondering why I chose it for a "Words to Live By" post. I was thinking about control the other day when I was adjusting the firmness of my side of the bed. Yes, we bought a "sleep number" bed several weeks ago and it gives me the luxury of adjusting the firmness of the mattress I sleep on.

As I adjusted the sleep number to make my side "softer," I thought how nice it would be to be able to adjust the firmness of our lives the same way. After a week of 2 sick animals, a husband with dental and vision issues, my back pain setting up camp, a couple of jobs cancelled and a couple of new ones added - complete with new preparations - I am yearning to "soften" my life for a bit. It's amazing how much "hardness" can come into our lives in such a short period - and let's face it, most of what happened this week is relatively trivial compared to the tragedy in Haiti, those who got devastating news about their health this week, others who are on the verge of losing their homes, etc.

Believe me, I realize that my week was a "walk in the park" compared to others'. And yet...even though we know with our minds that things aren't nearly as difficult as they could be (and maybe have been in the past), still it can all pile up on us at once and life feels hard.

Here's the deal, though - even though we can't control the hardness of our lives (although we do bring some of it on ourselves sometimes), there are things we can control ~

We can control our thoughts, for instance. Yes, I know, sometimes those negative thoughts attack us like a hungry lion and we may not be able to control the initial "attack." We can control how long we decide to hang out with the lion, though - and we can also control what actions we take as a result of the attack. Will we ferociously fight back (and kick those negative thoughts out)? Or will we let the lion hang around and gnaw on us for awhile?

We can control what we say...do you really have to bite back at someone who took a potshot at you? I find it particularly hard to control a response when someone snipes at me in the name of humor - and others laugh. I'm getting better at it now though and I realize it says something about them that they feel the need to say it - and something about me, if I can't resist biting back.

We can control the people we associate with...sometimes we need to distance ourselves from people who don't make us feel very good about ourselves - or even about the world we live in.

We have some control over our physical well-being. Even if we are facing some challenges, we know what we should be eating and doing to at least keep those challenges in check.

We can control what we put into our minds...I do miss some news once in awhile, but I have found that shutting out much of what the media screams about the loudest (which, you gotta admit is usually the negative stuff and something I can do nothing about) helps me to stay on a positive course.

So, what do you need to gain control over? Your thoughts? Your tongue? The people you spend time with? Your physical well-being? What you are putting into your mind?

Whatever it is, you can do it...but it does take awareness and...focus.

So go ahead - be a control freak! And I mean that in the nicest way :-)

Blessings,
Linda
Linda@LindasWorkshops.com
www.LindasWorkshops.com